Three Ladies in a Sauna


THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND

THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.


A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'


THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO

THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.


THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!

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**Originally Posted January 2005**

Sometimes you get a glimpse into the soul of someone and you are so wonderfully surprised. Through all of the nastiness thats been going on lately i have come to find some fantastic people who have expressed their love and support for me. The hardest part now sometimes is the loneliness that hits me at the oddest times, the wishing i had someone to snuggle with when i am sick or just needing some extra attention. I miss having big strong arms around me and a big ole chest to cuddle into. i miss being scooped up like a lil girl and being made to feel cherished and adored. so for now if i get quiet on you im probably wishing for something i dont have anymore and could probably use a big hug. Please just be patient with me while i continue working through the emotional mess im in right now, it hopefully will be behind me soon.
i love and cherish all of you who have been so sweet and supportive of me. holding all of you close to my heart always.
Love kahlana

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Have you ever started down a path with the thought in mind that things will go a certain way only to find that your path doesnt go in a straight line but twists and turns and goes in directions you never thought you would find yourself going?That has happened to me over the past few months.In addition to computer crashes and dealing with offline life I have come across a side of myself that i had no idea existed. Amazingly enough i found my hearts "'home" so to speak in the BDSM lifestyle. Now im not just talking about kinky sex or being whipped and tied up and having pain inflicted on me. In reality i have found that for those who are living the lifestyle those things dont factor in as heavily as TV would have us believe. What i have found is that Respect for self and others is HUGE and that it is a cycle of service. The Dominant cares for the needs and well being of the submissive while the submissive serves the Dominant in order to be pleasing and fulfill the needs of the One they serve leaving the Dominant free to fulfill the needs of the submissive. And so the cycle goes. One of the things i have discovered about myself is that i am a submissive... not because thats the way i was trained by my parents but because i gain the most pleasure when i know that i have pleased the One i serve. There is a right and wrong way to be submissive i have learned and i have recently discovered that being a submissive doesnt mean im a doormat contrary to my upbringing. I wish now i had known this many years ago. I may have saved myself some pain and heartache if i had. Its very freeing to me to know that there is One who teaches and guides me and expects certain behaviors from me. Yes i am still able to make my own choices and have my own opinions about things that matter to me. Here's an example of what i mean...My Master (Dominant) asks me daily if i have done my exercises and once a week He asks my weight. He isnt doing this to be a jerk... He knows that on my own i will never lose the weight I want to lose for myself. I will give up just when i need a little push to keep going. He still loves me even if i never lose another pound but because this is something i want for myself He does everything He can to encourage me and make me feel better about myself. And knowing im going to report to Him daily keeps me motivated when nothing else will. But not once has He said to me that i am fat or ugly or anything like that. In fact Hes always telling me that i'm beautiful. So now you know why He's my Master *wink* lol Would i ever become a Domme? i dont think so. I dont like to be in charge that much. Would rather be behind the scenes that right out front being scrutinized all the time. Anyway im sure ill have more to say on this subject later but for now im off to take my nap.

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***Posted January 2005***

I have been doing much soul searching the past week and I have decided that I am happy with myself. I am almost 40 years old and finally I am happy to be myself.
Sure I could lose some weight and get all toned up but I will never be a skinny twig. I have 3 beautiful babies to thank for that and I am so proud of them that I will never again begrudge my "Raphaelite" body. Hey my ass looks hot in a pair of 501s and my man thinks I am wonderful the way I am so who am I to nitpick?
Sure I have a few crows feet around my eyes and some deep laugh lines around my mouth. Thank God they are laugh lines. My life is fun and beautiful and interesting enough to make sure I have a few wrinkles to show for the good times. Yeah it's been really tough sometimes too but I know that I have grown spiritually so it's all good. And none of my friends are handing me a plastic surgeons phone number, so who am I to question their taste in friends?
Sure I color my hair and cant decide if I like the new look or should I go back to the old. I am not covering any gray (thank you grandma) and if grandma is any indication I never will. I just like doing something new and different occassionally. Never pays to get stuck in a rut.
And I have recently discovered that I looooove skirts that come to my ankles. Who cares if they make my legs look short? I AM short! But when I want to curl up on the sofa with a good book and a cup of herbal tea they cover my toes and keep my feet from being attacked by the kitten. And they are way more comfy than jeans anyday.
I have discovered that I am an intelligent person with a fascinating story. I haven't always made the best decisions but then who has? I havent always had it easy and probably never will. But I have all the things that really matter when you get down to it: family that loves and supports me no matter if they understand why I do the things I do, friends who love me for being their friend through thick and thin. Maybe someday I will sit down with you over a cup of coffee and tell you all about it. Drop by anytime. I make a mean cuppa java.

 

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****Originally posted when i first began learning about BDSM back in 2005. A few things have since changed but thats another post altogether****

Seven months ago a good friend of mine told me he felt i was a submissive due to the things he and i talked about and sent me to mIRC's bondage server to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle. I went hoping to find answers to the needs i felt were being unmet in my failing vanilla marriage. (its still failing by the way and still vanilla), or even just some answers as to why i felt like i did. My first few days there i was hounded constantly with private messages from people telling me to "Get on your knees bitch" or "Come suck my cock slut" then i went into a channel and one of the operators there filled me in with a very quick lesson in online etiquette and she then passed me onto another operator who was a Dominant and so far as i still know a very nice man. SP helped me along for a couple more days informing me that as a submissive i still had rights and noone could just order me around willy-nilly. Thankfully i learned that lesson quickly. Then SP sent me out to find what suited me. That meant surfing the channels. i made sure to stay in channels that had a very few number of people and explained that i had questions but i didnt even know which were the right questions to ask. One night sitting at my keyboard so frustrated at being unable to help people understand what it was i wanted and needed a man came into the channel i was in and i was sent with him to another channel B^F. He introduced me to the folks there and everyone made me feel quite welcome. Immediately the channel owner gave me links to sites with myriads of information and another Dominant also began to send me links. CT will never know how grateful i am to Him for the information He gave me and He will always have my greatest respect. He also gave me another little hint. Watch. That sentiment being echoed by another friend who is now my Master. I took their advice and soon noticed that the online drama had so very little to do with the realities of the lifestyle that i left mIRC and although i dont think its for good and always i know i want to be much stronger before i return to it on a regular basis. I do pop into music trivia channel and play the trivia there but its usually just when i cant sleep. Something i havent been having too much of a problem with lately (lol).
I think the most important thing to know about relationships online is that 99% of the folks out there are NOT who or what they say they are. Yes there are a few who really are just exactly as they present themselves online but i'd have to say most of them are in the minority. Just be careful out there is all i can i say. Most of us arent supermodels, superheros or super anything else. We're just regular folks living regular lives but online for most is a chance to escape reality and be something better or more beautiful than we think we are in regular time.
****This was written a few years ago now. I learned to watch and what to look for and have taken that online directive and use it on a day to day basis in my regular life. Its pretty amazing how much drama one can avoid by being patient lol******

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I have been asked several times why I chose the name "Kahlana." There is a lot of symbolism in this name for me. The main one being that it is something I have chosen it for myself. No one told me "This is your name. This is who you are." Granted there are those, like my Master, who prefer it to my given name, but they didnt choose the name for me. I have gone by the shortened nick of "Lana'' mostly because I am not a very formal person when it comes to my friends and family. And lets face it, Lana is a heck of a lot easier to type that Kahlana. (smiles) But deep in my heart I am and always will be "Kahlana." So, how did I come up with "Kahlana"' for a name? It's somewhat of a long and involved process, hope you have the time for the long version. (smile)
About 8 or 9 years ago I played a PS2 game called Everquest Online Adventures, I had also just read Terry Goodkind's book, ""The Sword of Truth" and was attempting to learn the Choctaw language. I needed a nickname for the game and really had liked a character from the book named Kahlan. Also I had just figured out my Choctaw name, Ahnli Kana (White Friend or something like that). So , I had chosen Kahlan as my screen name for the game but when I tried to use it found someone else already had it. So I get creative and an "a" on the end and "voila`" Kahlana is born. A few days after all this I was doodling on a notepad and happened to rearrange my Choctaw name and found that it read "In Kahlana." Well of course that was a sign from the powers that be that Kahlana was ""My" name. And that's how Kahlana came to be.
Some of the things being Kahlana means to me...
1.) The ability to, finally after years of "reacting," take action and responsibility for myself. This means that I no longer blame all my hardships in life on everyone else. Yes, horrible things that were not my fault have been done. But the way I handled those things is my responsibility and noone else's. I can choose to become someone who allows those things to overwhelm her and crush her or I can choose to be strong and resilient and act in a mature manner and name those things for what they are without taking them into myself.
2.) Noone handed me this name and said to me "Because this is your name you must now behave a certain way, live up to so and so's expectations of you, become thus and such.' Kahlana allows me to be who and what I feel about me. Kahlana is not so and so's daughter or sister and therefore must always be a reflection of them. Kahlana is free to choose her own path in life and walk it free of "'family guilt." Something that in my everyday life I continually struggle with. Kahlana is also not so and so's wife or ex-wife. She is free to be her own woman and find out exactly what that means for her. Not what someone else tells her is the "proper role" for a wife or ex wife. Meaning if Kahlana wants to be friends with her ex-husband that's just fine. These are just a couple of examples but I'm sure you get the picture.
Now please don't misunderstand me. I am not hiding behind some "persona" named Kahlana. That would schizophrenic and I assure you I am not that. I am still the person I always was. But by taking the name Kahlana, I am embracing everything it means to be me. I am becoming a more balanced, more self-aware person everyday. I am choosing to BE all the things I am to the people who love me but I am choosing to do it on MY terms for a change and not just allowing people or circumstances in my life to dictate to me who I am, how I will react, or even if I will react.
In a nutshell, Kahlana represents balance, maturity, wisdom, and coming of age in a sense for me.
So, for those who are close to me and may not understand my reasons for being Kahlana instead of all the names you know me by, i hope that my little explanation here has helped to clear things up.
(And yes, my Master loves the name and has requested that I wear it, but I gave myself this name long before I even knew about Him.)

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